“I Don’t Need A Man” – I’m Calling BS on This Catch Phrase Among Divorced Women

Posted on January 28, 2016 by delaine Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail


(first published in 2012)

angry women, divorced, dating women, what's wrong with attitude, Delaine Moore, bestselling author, get over your anger hurt, coach, therapistOver the past three years since I got divorced, it is by far the most popular statement I’ve heard from women: “I don’t need a man”.  And it’s been said with passion.  Power.  Ownership.  As if it’s been earned.

And I’ve heard it all over the place: from dinners with girlfriends…to dating sites…. to my website for divorced women.  Heck, I’ve even said it myself.

Well today, I’ve had enough – I’m calling bulls*** on it.  For I think we are not just lying to ourselves when we say it, we’re spitting on men, whether we do so consciously or unconsciously.

Oh, I know we are powerful women.  I know we can do it all – careers, family, friends, travel.  Line it up ladies, and we can juggle and succeed at it all.  More than that, because we, the female species, are so darn mentally strong, we can convince ourselves we’re happy.  We’re big enough, spiritually aware enough, to count and focus on our blessings, right?

But let me ask something:  that part of you that insists you don’t need a man, what’s its beef with?  Is it disgusted by the idea of a loving, intimate, respectful relationship with one person?  Is it annoyed with the mere idea of connecting, sharing, openly communicating and being heard by a special man?

Cause I’m going to wager your answers are no.  Plus I’m going to get in your face and say that every woman AND man needs to be loved and share their love with a partner (or two, or 10).  That’s right – I’m saying this is a need, not a want.  It’s in our human design, our physicality, our hearts, and souls – and it’s a beautiful thing this need, not something we should be denying or stomping on.   And there’s some deep rooted part of us, no matter how we try to repress it, that knows this to be true.

Sure, maybe right now isn’t a time when you feel you need a man in your life.  Maybe you’re hurt.  Maybe your ex cheated on you.  Maybe you need to work on yourself.  Maybe your life is under major reconstruction and you know your heart is closed.

If such is the case, then say so specifically, i.e., “I’m learning to be happy on my own right now”.  But don’t twist that into “I don’t need a man.”  One doesn’t equal the other.  Something unhealed lies beneath the surface of that yucky catch phrase; it has nothing to do with us women being strong and powerful. It’s anger.  It’s grief.  It’s a lack of trust.  Or any combination of the above…

And no matter how many time you say it, or how good it feels to say, some part of you knows, it’s a lie.

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