The Grand SLAM: *Sex *Like *A *Man
You’ve probably heard women refer to it – this concept of having sex like a man. But what exactly does that mean? Why is it challenging for women to do? Yet why are more women doing it?
Leaving judgements aside, let’s take a closer look:
Meaning of SLAM:
Some women think that having sex like a man means you jump in bed with any “body”, get off, then head out the door: “See ya, have a nice life.”
And though this may be exemplary of some men’s attitudes and behaviour, let’s give them some credit: most men aren’t heartless robots with hard-ons.
In order for a woman to have sex like ‘most’ men, there are four key elements in the picture:
- An emotional and mental freedom to act on sexual attraction
- The ability to orgasm through penetration (foreplay isn’t a requirement)
- She’s perfectly fine with him leaving shortly afterwards (may even prefer it and then enjoy a nice nap)
- No pining or worrying about hearing from him again; she moves on with her day/life
Why it’s hard for women
Two main factors make having sex like a man a challenge to women. The first is hormonal. Though men and women both have the hormone oxytocin, women’s supply of it is much higher. And when oxytocin is released in women during sex, particularly through orgasm, this chemical floods our bodies with feelings of warmth, connection, and bonding. It’s easy for us to assume we feel this way because he is so special, when in fact, it’s our feel-good-wonder-hormone taking us for a ride on the bliss train.
The second factor inhibiting our ability to enjoy sex life a man is social programming. As liberated as women are today, their core programming says good girls don’t do that: Your value as a person is somehow tied to your sexual purity (in terms of numbers). Too many partners means you are a slut or skank; a bad mother; a dirty girl. Obviously, it’s pretty hard to let go and enjoy the freedoms of sex like men do, when your brain is maxed out with doubts and rules and fears.
Some argue that it’s a result of society’s over all moral decay that more women today are having and pursuing sex without long-term attachments. Others argue it’s because women are confused, lack self-esteem, and are victims of over sexualized media. Without a doubt, these factors are at play in some situations.
But mixed into this group of more sexually active women are those who are healthy, happy, successful, and great members of our society. They’re women of different ages who are busy with careers, who enjoy sex, but don’t want to divert their energy into a relationship. They’re young single women who simply ‘know’ he’s not Mr. Right, but are willing to enjoy Mr. Right Now because they see a passionate sexual experience as healthy and meaningful enough. They’re divorcing women who are transitioning and channeling all their energy into self-discovery. They’re single moms who lives are so busy and full that they want passion and sex without the complications of integrating a man into their and their kids’ lives.
Perhaps in another 20 years, no one will understand what the phrase “have sex like a man” means. It just won’t matter.
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