Financial Domination: An Unusual But Very Real Fetish
This past week, my friend Deanne was chatting at length with a younger man on a dating site when he suddenly hit her with an “unusual” request: “Every month I’d like to give you money,“ he wrote. “You can spend it on yourself or any way you want. We can start out small but maybe eventually get to the point where I only have enough money to pay my bills. I want nothing in return.”
At first, Deanne thought he was joking – that or he was a nutcase or scammer. But something compelled her to dig deeper and learn more. He wrote: “I know this sounds weird but I’ve had the desire to do this kind of thing ever since I was teenager. I used to put money in a pretty girl’s locker and stand around the corner just to see her face when she found it. Or, if I was in the shopping mall, I’d walk ahead of a group of young girls and intentionally drop a $10 or $20 bill (which was a lot back then), just so I could hear them pick it up and giggle.
“I’m ashamed of this urge,” he continued. “But it’s something I ache to explore. The pleasure it gives me is so intense. It arouses me, not just sexually but emotionally and mentally, especially if she views what I give her as pittance. I don’t feel this same way when I give money to charity, nor when I’ve given my credit card to past girlfriends. It has to be a woman I never meet in person. She’s exists as a fantasy to me, she’s larger than life.”
Deanne, too shocked and overwhelmed by the ethics behind what he was asking of her, answered him with a firm “Sorry, not interested.” Then, still baffled by what had transpired, she turned to me and asked, “What the hell was THAT?”
Financial Domination Explained
The urge that this young man was expressing is common to a fetish called “financial domination.” And though it may leave you scratching your head, it is a very real and intense fetish to those who have it.
Essentially, those who possess it become mentally obsessed and sexually excited by giving away their money to a woman, usually a self-proclaimed Domme, whom they see as a goddess, queen, and overall, as superior to themselves and the male half of the species.
The more she demands of him — money, gifts, his savings — the greater the thrill for him. The anticipation of giving, the act of giving and the idea of her spending his money lavishly on herself, can leave him feeling high for days.
In return, the man gets off on being ignored and humiliated by this woman, sometimes intensively. She may call him names like Cash Cow, Piggy or Pet. Essentially, it is set up like any Dominant/submissive relationship, where she, as Domme, controls him financially, emotionally and mentally as her slave, but she never has sex with him and never even meets him in person.
In some scenarios, the Domme may go on webcam to converse and belittle him. She may even send him a pair of her used panties (for the right price). It all depends on their relationship, boundaries, desires and needs.
Though some part of you may judge this fetish as “weird” or “crazy”, I’d remind you to refrain. After all, we’re all wired differently. And just as some very wealthy and powerful men choose to relinquish their power and control through other sexually submissive behavior, so, too, do some enjoy that “relinquishing” through being financially dominated by a perceived, larger-than-life woman.
If you think about it, since money is considered the “ultimate power” in our society, especially for men — the submissive nature of this fetish really isn’t that far out there.
Dangers for the financially submissive man
Because this relationship does not require face-to-face interaction, men with the fetish can easily and privately indulge in their fetish online. In fact, a long train of websites set up by financial Dommes already exist; they’re more than willing to take men’s cash and gifts.
But many of these self-proclaimed Dommes are only in it for the fast and easy cash. They have no understanding or respect for the submissive or the loving power exchange involved in a true D/s relationship. And without this knowledge and compassion, the consequences to the submissive can be severe. They include:
- Bankruptcy, financial ruin
- Inability to enjoy sex without fantasizing about submitting to a Domme
- Loss of relationships/ divorce
- Intense guilt and shame at hiding and carrying a “secret”
- Isolation and depression
- Decreased job performance that potentially results in getting fired
- Poor, unhealthy lifestyle
- Severely low self-esteem
Should Deanne have taken his money?
Perhaps you think Deanne was crazy not to have taken up this young man up on his desire; easy money, so why not? You might even argue that he’d have been better off dealing with her – a “regular” woman with a good heart – verses being potentially left in the hands of online piranhas.
But on the flip side, Deanme has no real understanding of Dominance and submission; she’s never identified with either role nor had the urge to. At the end of the day, she wasn’t “qualified.” More importantly, she simply wasn’t comfortable.
There are good matches — and bad matches — for all of us out there.
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