First Time “Entry”: Slow the H*** Down, Tonto!
Today I want to briefly talk about an important moment during sex that you may not have analyzed before: the moment when a man enters a woman. My inspiration for this blog? A recent experience my divorced girlfriend had with her new lover. His “entrance” made her eyes roll alright … in annoyance, not with pleasure!
Right from the moment of entry, his technique — to use an analogy — was like a Samsung Sewing machine flicked on high: da-da-da-da-da . Two minutes later, the machine shut off. My girlfriend felt like she’d been mounted by a bull; like her body was substituted for his right hand.
“I know he was nervous,” my girlfriend said. “He said he hadn’t had sex since he got divorced ten months ago. But really? How can a 41-year-old man not know this? Worse still, he did the same thing when we had sex an hour later! And I’d told him several times to slow down.”
The two of us agreed — and I think most other women would too — that first time “entry” by a new lover is best approached slowly — at least to the point where there is pause — a gasp, a relishing. During that moment of conjoining, the feeling of being filled and consumed by a man is one of intense and powerful pleasure, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I think that most men already know this….and they savor the moment as much as women do.
As for full-on relationship sex, well, this is where women’s opinion may vary around entry. Some, like my girlfriend, insist it should always be slow and savored. Others quite enjoy the tornado-like energy of the odd quickie. And others, further still, use entry as a source of power, play and/or immense build-up and denial within the energy dynamic of Dominance and submission. Whatever the case may be, men and women alike, need to open their mouths and ears and communicate.
As for “Sewing-Machine-Boy,” my girlfriend has decided to give him another chance. Her plan is to climb on TOP of him. The sub part of her plan is to also better communicate. And if all else fails and the machine goes on high, Plan B might entail a smack across the cheek (not too hard, of course), with an order to “Slow the h*** down!”
Originally published on I Am Divorced Not Dead in 2012
Delaine Moore, Mars Venus Sex and Relationship Coach, Calgary, AB
- Remember: You Are NOT Your “Story”; Dating After Divorce
- It’s Sometimes Hard to Be Present With The Children During Divorce
- Are You Dating Another Version of Your Ex?