Role Reversal: “Baby, This is Sex, Not Love”
We enjoyed each other’s bodies for hours that night. And the sex was as magnificent and fulfilling as it was the previous five times we’d lain together: intense, passionate, consuming and totally stress-busting!
But afterwards, as I lay cuddled into his chest, eyes closed, brain floating off in Post-Orgasmic Wonderland, I suddenly heard: “I love you, Delaine.”
My eyes flew open. Did I imagine that? Oh God, on no, he actually said that! Quick, QUICK, say something back. But WHAT?
I looked up at his face. He was staring at me adoringly. I smiled, “That’s a beautiful thing to say,” I offered.
And that’s all I could say off the top of my head.
Have any of you been in a situation like this before? The kind where you consider your relationship primarily “great sex” only to find out that the man thinks your connection is love? Suddenly I have flashbacks from my early twenties – but the roles were reversed: I was the one thinking “love” while the guy was thinking “damn, that was awesome sex.”
I know I’m not in love with this man, nor will I ever be. I mean, I LIKE him and we get along well and all. But as a divorced mom with some heavy life experience now behind her, I can’t ever imagine saying ‘I love you’ so quickly and easily to any man. On the other hand, I DO know what great sex feels like – and I think that kind of connection warrants celebration and appreciation, too.
After I had a chance to collect my thoughts that evening, I DID talk to him further about our relationship. And unlike those men I dated in my twenties who may have lied and said, “I love you, too” or continued stringing me along for weeks or months, I chose to be honest: I told him I like him. But that I didn’t foresee our relationship evolving into more. “So I WANT you to continue dating other women,” I said gently. “I DON’T want you to wait for me or get your hopes up. Let’s just enjoy the physical connection while it lasts…or stop seeing each other if it’s too hard for you.”
I feel good about how I responded to him; speaking the truth does that, I suppose, even though it’s hard in the actual moment. Still, this event really pulled on my heart strings – oh, but to be able to love so easily and freely! It’s heartwarming to know that that there are men out there wearing their hearts on their sleeves; who have such a willingness and desire to give of themselves…even if that desire is doused in naivety and romanticism (flinch – hope that doesn’t make me seem too hardened!)
Originally published in 2011
Media personality, Relationship and Sex Expert, Bestselling Author of The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom (like Fifty Shades).
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