Shifting Perspective on Married Couples: Lies, Secrets & Masked Sexual Desires

Posted on October 24, 2016 by delaine Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

From the archives of I am Divorced Not Dead; originally published in 2009.

truth about marriage, affairs, hidden passion, sexual desire, cheaters, no sexI was sitting in a packed school auditorium amidst row after row of devoted parents when “it” happened.

I looked at the adults around me — husbands and wives sitting side-by-side, some silent, some holding hands, and the odd mom or dad sitting solo. Suddenly, the questions began floating through my mind:

Who, here, is truly happily married? 

How many of these couples have a great sex life, a lover on the side, or perhaps no sex at all? 

Who is carrying secrets, restless and unfulfilled desires, and who will pretend to be happy in public, only to return home to a glass house?

Since I got divorced my eyeglasses have changed.  Perhaps to a greyer hue.  But I think I’m more realistic. Secrets and lies permeated my home for years prior to my divorce, and I wasn’t some exceptional case.  I’d wanted normal.  I’d wanted simple. I’d believed and worked hard at the family dream.

We’ve all heard the expression, “You never know what goes on behind closed doors.”  So as I sat in the school auditorium, I found myself studying people’s faces closely…looking for clues:

Did he meet a lover earlier in the day? I wondered.

Is she daydreaming of meeting her lover later on? 

Was his smile genuine, or a well-practiced ‘super husband/ dad’ smile? 

Will she deliberately delay going to bed tonight because the thought of his touch disgusts her? 

For I now know that secrets, lies, and hidden desires…are everywhere.  Even buried among row after row of seemingly devoted parents in an elementary school auditorium.

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