“I want a sensitive man.” No, You DON’T!

Posted on December 25, 2016 by delaine Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditpinterestlinkedinmail

sensitive man, dating after divorce“I want a sensitive man.”  It’s become a popular mating call by women these days, especially among women on the heels of a breakup or divorce.  Oftentimes their former partners were, as one divorcing woman put it, “as expressive as a piece of cement.”  Thus, the “sensitive man” —  a guy who’s in touch with his feelings and more like a woman — seems the perfect alternative.

But getting involved  and staying involved with a sensitive man often comes with a whole other set of relationships problems.  And you need to be aware that many couples end up in a therapy as a result.  Here are some of the issues women report:

  • They feel mothering towards him.
  • They’re turned off and annoyed by his neediness.
  • They lose interest in what he has to say; he does all the talking.
  • He wants to “work on the relationship”, while the women just want to get away
  • They feel like they’re walking on eggshells.
  • Their sexual attraction has vanished.

Hmmm, has your vision of a sensitive man lost some of its lustre?

The root of the problem

Let’s revisit your last relationship for moment – the one with “Cement Man”.  In your mind, it may seem that if only he could have opened up and expressed himself more, you could have opened and connected with him, too.

But that is a false assumption.  The REAL issue wasn’t that he didn’t open up to you – it’s that you didn’t feel safe opening up to him.  The REAL issue wasn’t that he didn’t talk as much or as in depth as a woman  — it’s that you yearned for him to listen to and respect you.

Do you see the difference?  It’s a big one.  At the end of the day, unless a woman feels safe and assured that her feelings are being heard and respected, nothing a man does will be enough to please her.

What women really want and need

For relationships to thrive, women need to feel supported – especially in today’s day and age when we are being conditioned be and act more like men.  After a long day of work at the office or at home with the kids, we need to come back to a place where we can feel feminine.  We need a man in our lives who listens, who cares, and respects our feelings; even if he doesn’t’ fully understand them.

In other words, instead of needing a sensitive man like we might think, we need a strong, respectful man who is sensitive to our feelings.    It’s time to update that mating call.

 

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